


sometime's not everything will be okay and we have to accept that

by httpsigh



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, are the key, harry needs a soulmate, i'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense, it's sad, lavender soap, louis already has his, louis loves his lavender soap, the wrists, to your soul mate, why does harry smell like lavender soap?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:30:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpsigh/pseuds/httpsigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry matches louis, but louis doesn't match harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sometime's not everything will be okay and we have to accept that

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit dystopian but it takes place in the modern world. It's basically a world where everything is the same but our wrists have symbols and the person who matches out symbol is our soul mate. But all systems have glitches don't they?

He's five when he understands.

He's five when he understands the small shadows on his wrists, forming the outline of his sign. He's five when he understands the meaning of the sign. He runs to his mother, claiming he gets it but she softly laughs and tells him to explain. He does. But he's only five, so of course he doesn't really understand.

He's seven when he finally asks his mother what the dark sketches, different from his own, on her wrists mean. It seems he has forgotten two years prior he screamed he understood everything. He's only seven so he doesn't understand why she cries and tell him she'll tell him tomorrow. She doesn't. Instead she says, "If they come for me, baby boy, you stay strong. Don't let them break you."

He's nine when he asks again why the symbol on his mother's wrists has been scratched out. She looks down at her wrists, quiet for a few moments. He repeats his question, thinking she forgot. She looks at him through misty brown eyes, "Because he doesn't love me anymore."

He doesn't fully understand but he pretends he does and lets the topic go.

He's eleven when he brings it up again, with more knowledge of how his world works. When he asks, his mum is making dinner in the small kitchen with the TV playing softly in the background. She sets down the plate in her hands and motions him to come closer. He does, walking straight into his mother's open arms. As she hugs him, she sighs. His mum looks down at him and sadly smiles, "Sometimes everything won't be alright and we have to accept that."

"But everything does work out in the end," he replies, truly believing in his heart that this was how it was. Her heart breaks at his instant response, she knew she should have never let him read those fairy tale books. His mother shakes her head slightly, the pained smile still painted on her delicate features.

"Not here, not in this world, my dear."

He's thirteen when he comes home in tears because apparently it isn't normal to have your symbol scratched out and people either laughed at him or gave him sympathetic looks. He asks again what the symbol means. His mother shakes her head and goes to tell him, he'll understand when he's older. But the whimpers he makes as he falls to the floor, head buried in his arms is enough for her mouth to open.

"When you turn eighteen," his mother pauses, thinking out her words, "You are given a symbol on your wrists. The symbol looks similar to the sketches you see right now. They show you your soul mate."

"My soul mate?" Harry gasps, "What if I don't have a soul mate?"

His mother stares at him slightly, examining him, "You're a lovely person, Harry and I promise you'll find someone who will love you very much. Everything will be okay."

Harry wants to believe her but all he can hear is, "Sometimes everything won't be alright and we have to accept that."

***

A year passes and Harry doesn't ask any questions. He sits at their small dinner table, quietly eating his dinner. The only sound being the tick of the broken clock in the kitchen.

"He left because he found a better opportunity," his mother says suddenly one night. She places her fork down and avoids Harry's questioning eyes, "He left because he thought he was better off somewhere else."

"Do you remember what I told you about symbols?" his mother asks softly, her eyes slowly drifting towards Harry's small body. The curly haired boy nods his head slightly, "Sometimes, the symbols don't match up. And sometimes they do. Your father and ours did. They matched up perfectly. But when a symbol is scratched, it's over. The chance for them to love you is gone. He left me. I thought he would come back. The clean symbol on my wrist convinced me he would. Years passed and I took care of you, hoping to find your father one day sitting in the living room with grand stories to tell. I dreamed of the day he would come out of nowhere, maybe with flowers and a bottle of wine. We always drank wine together. He would kiss me on the cheek, reminding me we had a child in the room. But on your eighth birthday, I woke to a pain in my wrist. The symbol had been scratched out and I knew, I knew. I knew it was over."

Harry's suddenly lost his appetite for dinner. He pushes the plate slightly away and leaves the table. His mother doesn't chase after him. He heads for his room, slipping into his bed and hiding beneath the covers. Suddenly, he wishes he wasn't there anymore. He wishes he could be someone else, someone who was happy with their world, someone who had faith in the system. It would be impossible for him to explain, but he has a bad feeling about soul mates. He shuts his eyes but it doesn't stop the thoughts in his head. 

His mother comes knocking on his door a few hours later. She sits herself on his bed and soothes him, "Baby, why are there tears on your cheeks?"

"What if I end up like you?" Harry asks timidly. His mother ignores the pang in her chest when he speaks. It's not his fault she reminds herself, she would've asked the same question if she were in his shoes. She pauses, conjuring up any explanation she could supply.

"You won't. You're kind, the kindest heart of all, you're innocent, you're beautiful, there's nothing to not love about you. I promise you, someone will love you like their life depends on it. Someone will wake up and see stars in your eyes and see the galaxies when you laugh, someone will look at you like you're the sun. Everything will be okay."

It flashes in Harry's mind like an alarm, "Sometimes everything won't be alright and we have to accept that."

His mother leaves shortly after, pressing a tender kiss onto his forehead and whispering a goodnight before she exits the room, quietly shutting the door behind herself. She doesn't share that the kindest hearts are the most vulnerable.

He cries himself to sleep that night.

***

When Harry turns fifteen, his mother hears of the raids going on in the town a few miles South. She doesn't explain to Harry why but she has them moved to a more urban area. Again she says, "If they come for me, don't let them break you. Stay strong."

Harry knows not to ask what she means by this so he just nods his head and continues to do his homework while his mother packs their things. They don't take long to find a new house they could comfortably live in. 

His mother enrolls him in the local schooling program where Harry easily makes friends; a quiet boy named Zayn who spends far too much time drawing on himself, a smart boy named Liam who is always reading a textbook. Harry thinks Liam will be a genius someday, the government will love him. Secretly, Harry fears for Zayn. Zayn was mysterious, always hanging out with the wrong crowd. Harry knew he didn't have to worry about being replaced, he was genuinely worried for Zayn's well being. But he never brought it up. He never would. 

***

It's in his sixteenth year of schooling when a new student shows up in his classroom. He's got eyes bluer that the sea itself, features more refined than a feather but just as beautiful as the famous waterfalls a few miles North. His voice was a melody that instantly calmed Harry, a delicate sound that fit its owner perfectly. Least to say, Harry was enamored with the new boy.

During passing period, Harry finds out his name is Louis Tomlinson. He's move into the city from a small town near where Harry was born. He wonders if they would ever meet. 

Zayn makes fun of him for the way his eyes follow Louis' every move. To this, Harry whacks his friend and flips him off. They continue eating lunch, listening to Liam rant about the new system they have in the library. Zayn brings up the idea of a piercing on his eyebrow which Harry instantly shoot down because they're ugly, "Besides, a tongue piercing is so much hotter."

Liam starts to argue that if anyone saw the piercing, they would banish the both of them from the city, sending them off to live in a world of misfits and punks. But Harry and Zayn share a look.

"What's exactly bad about that?" Zayn laughs, standing up to throw away his lunch tray. The bell rings informing all students to get to their classes. The day continues normally.

When Harry goes home, he goes up to his room and knows him mother won't be home for dinner. Again.

***

"Why do you always walk home alone?"

Harry doesn't recognize the voice so he's forced to look away from his locker. He's surprised to find Louis Tomlinson standing shyly before him. Harry's voice seems to be caught in his throat so he stands there a few seconds before actually getting anything out, "I like to be alone."

At this, Louis smiles, "It's better to be alone with someone than to be alone by yourself."

Harry's not completely sure if what was just said makes sense but for Louis, it did, "Let's be alone together then."

The two of them walk home that day. And the day after.

They walk home together the next week, and then the next month.

***

It's three in the morning and Harry really wants chocolate milk.

He would call Zayn but Zayn would probably slit his throat for waking him. He would call Liam but Liam would scold him for eating so late. So he calls Louis.

"Hello?" Louis' croaky voice asks, "Do you realize what time is it?"

"Be outside of your house in ten minutes?"

"We're breaking curfew."

"I'll be waiting," Harry whispers before ending the call. He makes no sound as he leaves the house and gets into his car. He drives the familiar route to Louis' house, where the blue eyed boy stands waiting patiently in sweats and a hoodie.

The ride to the local market is quiet but peaceful. It's the type of quiet you find in a library, where it seems you are alone but somehow, people are there, busy thinking and finding new worlds to bother to speak. It's the quiet that can be heard when all is well. It's a lovely quiet.

An hour later, both are sat in the front of the car, passing a carton of chocolate milk between them. Louis takes a swing, leaving a circle of chocolate on his lip. Harry smiles but doesn't say anything. Instead, he takes the milk from Louis and takes a sip.

"Don't you think it's amazing how we all at one point made up the universe?"

"What do you mean?" Harry knows what Louis means, he understands immediately but he wants to hear Louis say it. It also occurs in Harry's mind, that Louis, the person who frowns when he looks in the mirror, talks about the people in the world as if they were living sunshines. But he doesn't put much thought into it because Louis is speaking.

"At some point, we were stars. Not movie stars but the ones you see at night, up in space. At some point we made up the galaxy. At some point, me and you were nothing more that a supernova in the sky."

Maybe it's the sparkle in Louis' eyes when he says this, maybe it's the just the moonlight's reflection but Harry notices just how much this means to Louis. And with messy hair covered with a beanie, a sloppy combination of a ratty hoodie and sweats and a stain of chocolate milk above his lip, it's fascinating how Harry still thinks Louis is the most beautiful human he has ever seen.

***

It's Louis' birthday. He's turning seventeen.

He's a year older than Harry but it doesn't seem like it. Both their mother's agree they're near replicas of each other. They can easily finish each other's sentences, know each other's favorite. There have been countless occasions where they've been asked if they were a couple. Louis would boldly say yes, just to mess with people, leaving Harry a blushing, flustered mess as he tried to explain that they were just close friends. 

"Lavender soap, Harold! Lavender soap is what I need!"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry laughs, "We know how much you need lavender, Lou."

"I don't think you understand," Louis grins, "Lavender soap is my most, my utter most favorite soap. I need it. I need it. I need it."

"Don't worry, you'll get it. What is it with lavender soap, anyways?"

"It smells good, smells like you," Louis shrugs, "Have you heard about Catherine?"

"I only use it because you love it. And no, is she alright?" Harry asks cautiously. 

Louis shakes his head, "Apparently, she ran away. But everyone knows what that means."

"She was really going for it then, wasn't she?"

Catherine had been a bright student in Harry's class. She was kind to most and always scored the top results. The school was proud to be represented by her. But one day, she showed up with a new attitude. She didn't agree with the symbols. She didn't think there was a need for them. 

"Two people shouldn't be forced together because of a stupid sign!" she had said, slamming her test down on the teacher's desk. People wondered how long she would be able to preach her beliefs freely. 

Two months. 

She had two months before she was taken. 

When it's finally Louis' birthday, Harry gives Louis lavender soap and both pretend to not know in a year Louis will be given his soul mate.

***

Harry is sitting on the living room couch when it happens. 

There's a slight tremble in the apartment building but he tries to ignore it. It startles him when the front door is broken open by a man in a black uniform. His face is masked but he holds an oversized gun which causes Harry's heartbeat to speed up. The man turns to Harry as another troop continues into the house, throwing things onto the floor.

"Where is Anne Styles?"

Harry doesn't respond. This must be what his mother was talking about. Be strong. 

"Son, I'm going to repeat my question again and you're going to answer me. Where is Anne Styles? Is she in this establishment?"

"It's Anne Cox," is all Harry says before shutting his mouth. He allows the men to tear his house apart as he numbly sits on the couch, staring at the blank space on the wall. He tries to not let himself show emotion as they continue to shatter memory after memory. When they reach his bedroom, they pull out a picture frame of Harry and his mother.

"This is her, are you going to tell me you don't know her?"

"Of course I know her, she's my fucking mother," Harry curses before he can bite his tongue. 

"Watch it," a man says, lifing his gun. Harry freezes when he's facing the barrel of the gun. Within seconds he hears the safety clicked off, "Don't make me do something the both of us don't want to happen. Now answer his question."

"She's not here," Harry finally says, looking away from the man's cold blue eyes. They're much different from the warmness that fill Louis' eyes, Louis' eyes are prettier in Harry's opinion. He wonders where Louis is, what he's doing. Maybe just maybe, he was thinking of Harry too.

The men leave an hour later when they find no traces of Harry's mother. Harry should be happy they didn't find her. But if she's not here, she's not with Harry. If she's not with Harry, then where is she?

There are so many questions Harry had yet to ask. But he won't ever know the answers because his mother was gone. He wasn't even seventeen yet and he would have to fend for himself from now on. 

It hasn't even been a day and Harry already really misses her.

***

After knowing Louis for a year, Harry comes to a conclusion he's in love.

Over the phone, Harry worriedly talks to Zayn, "What if we don't match?"

"There's no point in worrying, only time will tell."

"What do I do if it's nothing?" Harry quietly asks. Zayn's end is quiet, he has no response. 

Harry spends the entire day inside Zayn's room, smoking and enjoying his first blunt. His mother always told him that if he ever did drugs to not bother coming home but Harry's too high to even know where home is and there's no mother there to scold him anyways.

***

Harry hasn't spoken to Louis in over two months.

It wasn't intentional. Harry was just busy. He went to school and then to work. Once he was done with his homework, he was too tired to even think about going out. 

Louis would constantly asks if he wanted to do something, but Harry always tells him the same thing, "I've had a long day, Lou, maybe tomorrow."

But it never happened. Eventually, Louis stopped asking. 

***

When Harry finally has a day off, it's the week before Louis' birthday. He shows up at Louis' door, soaking wet because of course it's pouring rain and his car was out of gas. When he door opens, Louis is surprised to see who is standing there.

"Harry," Louis breathes, "I-I didn't think you were going to have time."

"Lou? Who's at the door?" a new voice asks. Harry's brow furrows; this a new voice. A voice he's never heard before. A blonde boy comes into the door frame, a little too close to Louis for Harry's liking. 

"Niall, this is Harry, a friend of mine. Harry this is Niall, my-my soul mate."

Harry's hear breaks in exactly .003 seconds.

Louis found his soul mate. Louis found his soul mate. His soul mate isn't Louis. He isn't Louis' soul mate. 

"Here, I got you lavender soap," Harry weakly smiles,"Happy early birthday."

Louis quietly takes the bag, "I got my symbol early."

"Let me see it?" Harry hesitantly asks. Louis nods his head, pulling up the sleeve to his jumper. He reveals a beautiful symbol. Swirls of black mesh together to form the sun, but stars are shadowed in the background. 

"I hate to be rude but we left the movie playing so we should probably get back," Niall says after a moment. Harry feels as if he's been kicked in the gut.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Harry tells the pair, "Have fun."

***

Zayn is gone for his exam. Harry knows this because his own in only two days after. Liam's already had his. 

One would think that after eighteen years of living in this society, Harry would know the ropes of it. But he doesn't. He doesn't know anything. He still doesn't know why everyone lives their lives following a sign. He doesn't understand why some types of loves are wrong just because the signs don't match. He doesn't understand why some don't get a matching sign at all. He doesn't understand why and he most likely never will.

When Zayn comes back, he's over the moon about his symbol. It doesn't make up any specific image, it's just a bundle of swirls but somehow it fits Zayn. It's Harry who notices it look too similar to a girl in his French class. She has bleach blonde hair and a petite nose adorned with a silver ring on the right side. Her name is Perrie. Harry thinks she's nice. 

Harry wakes up Wednesday morning for his exam. He's a nervous wreck. His palms are sweaty, knees weak and arms are heavy. But he forces himself into the classy building. He is guided into a small room, where a table and two chairs are the only things available. Harry takes a seat and is told that an agent will be with him shortly. 

"Name?" she asks. She appears young but tired, her black hair is pulled back tightly into a bun. Her brown eyes never leave the keyboard until Harry answers her question. 

"Harry Styles." 

He wonders why the girl looks a him with pity but he chooses not to ask. Instead, he allows her to continue with her questions as she types down harshly. 

"Age?"

"Eighteen." 

"Current guardian?"

"None."

"I'm sorry to hear that," she says quietly. Her name tag reads Valerie. Harry simply nods his head, "Do you have any ideas for your future? Will you be continuing the recommended school program or will you be going your own way?" 

"I'd like to continue with the school program, I might change locations," Harry thinks aloud, "A change of scenery might be nice." 

"If you want I can give you the location assessment- it's just a small test to see where in the world you would be most successful." 

Harry shakes his head. He wants to discover things on his own for once, "No thank you, I'm alright." 

"Alright, last question," the girl sighs, slightly smiling, "In case of emergency, who should we call?" 

"Louis Tomlin-" Harry begins to say but stops abruptly. The girl across from him looks at him expectantly, her typing suddenly ceased. Harry forces a tight smile, "Zayn Malik. Put down Zayn Malik." 

"Your symbol should become apparent tonight. That is all."

"Thank you," Harry smiles, though it's forced and it does not reach his eyes. 

***

It isn't until a month later when Harry's symbol finally shows. He's making himself a dinner- ramen noodles as usual- and everything is quiet. The sun had set long ago and the moon hung herself brightly in the dark sky. Harry nearly drops his plate when he sees the small tattoo etched into his wrist.

It matches Louis'. 

"You should be happy," Zayn says when Harry finally tells him, "You guys are soul mates."

"He already has his soul mate," Harry says glumly.

"You could still be his?" Liam supplies, but he knows it's no use. Harry's already decided he's not Louis' soul mate. 

"You okay?"

"I'm not okay, but it's okay."

Harry begins to make more of an effort to reach out to his friends. He begins to hang out with Louis but he doesn't know why. He's only hurting himself more. 

He always wears long sleeves or a sweater to cover his symbol. He doesn't want Louis to find out. Of course, there was a point where Louis asked about his symbol. Harry merely shrugged before changing the topic. Louis could tell he didn't want to talk about it. 

Because he spends time with Louis, Harry is forced to hear the loveliness of Louis' relationship. He tries, he really does. He tries to feel happy for Louis. He tries to be supportive and smile when Niall does something amazing for Louis because that's what a good friend would do. He helps Louis plan special dates, he helps him choose fancy outfits for fancy dates. He knows Liam and Zayn can see straight through his lies but Louis can't and that's all that matters. 

"Niall brought home he cutest kitten the other day," Louis smiles, eyes crinkling at the corners, "He bathed it in lavender."

"It's nice to hear you still love lavender," Harry says quietly. Louis doesn't notice the change in his demeanor. 

That night Harry figures he's had enough. He packs his bag and leaves without a single goodbye to his friends, not showing any clues as to where he's going. He doesn't even know that yet. 

***

It's cold in San Francisco. It's currently pouring but Harry is sound asleep so he doesn't notice a thing. It's been two years since he last saw his friends and god, did he miss them. He lives alone in a quiet part of the city, doing any sort of job he could find to keep a roof over his head. It's not ideal but Harry finds his life never will be. 

One night, Harry wakes to a pain in his wrist. Groaning, he clutches his arm but can't see anything as the light have been turned off- leaving the room pitch black. Without a second thought, he rushes to the light switch flicking it on. He looks over and finds his sign has been scratched out.Tears rush to his eyes when he realizes it's over. Louis doesn't love him anymore, he never will. He cries and doesn't ever remember falling asleep. 

The next morning, Harry forces himself out of bed and goes to make himself breakfast. He sits down and quietly munches on his cereal, allowing time to tick away slowly. Without even noticing, his spoon is no longer in his hand and his cereal is soggy- half on the small wooden dinner table. 

Harry swears he'll be okay. But sometimes not everything will be okay.

***

A year passes and Harry thinks he's okay. He's sure of it. He doesn't cry anymore. Not even in his sleep. He rarely thinks of Louis. 

But sometimes, he does. 

Sometimes he thinks of the bright blue eyes which would shine for him- and him only, he thinks of the smile that accompanied the beautiful eyes, the smile that left Harry nearly breathless. Sometimes Harry thinks of Louis' voice, the soft sound of it flowing from Louis' thin pink lips. Sometimes Harry thinks and thinks and it becomes too much so he stops. He locks himself in his room and doesn't bother to come out- not that anyone knew him well enough to worry. 

He's in the supermarket, going over the list in his mind (Louis would usually write it out for him). He's choosing a frozen dinner, debating between the two for one deal or a large platter when he realizes he'll be buying for himself. He goes home with nothing in his hands; head hung lowly as he slips in the key into his apartment door and enters.

He's in the shower when he realizes the scent of his own body smells familiar. He wonders when he bought lavender soap.


End file.
